It's a trap, don't fall into it. It is nothing but toxic and will leave you feeling even worse if that's possible!
After a break up, questions after questions collect like old friends, you often indulge in self-pity or come out stronger. In either situation, it's that ultimate question everyone at some point asks themselves: can I be friends with my ex?
While some may argue that it's healthy and in fact you should absolutely try to maintain your friendship, studies prove otherwise. A recent study conducted at Oakland university found that people who cling on to their ex possess traits which include narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism.
All science aside though, it is a terrible idea to stay friends with an ex. This doesn't apply for an ex you dated for a week in high school, but rather someone you emotionally invested in. For the sake of your well being, here are six reasons you should bid your ex goodbye after your relationship ends!
1. One of you still has feelings for the other
Breakups are rarely mutual and in good will. It's always an emotional decision that affects one more than the other. And if you pursue your friendship after your relationship is over, it is not going to be a smooth sailing one. The feelings and love that you once shared doesn't just vanish, you can't easily just friendzone someone you wished to spend your life with!
One of you has expectations hidden or evident and sooner or later, they will take a toll on you. One of you may be clinging on to that beacon of hope that if you stay friends, the possibility of your ex taking you back will be stronger while the other person may not feel that way at all. This will end up in a one-sided deal and eventually one of you will come out way more hurt than the other.
2. It can be a vicious cycle and you might just slide back
Sure, you can talk about the weather, families, old friends and even some fun memories that you two shared but that might lead to bitter sweet incidents after a while. Though, it may be easy to pretend like things are casual and you two are completely over it, there is always a breaking point when the past comes up because you can't just talk about surface-level things forever.
And when that does come up, be prepared, it will be way worse than what you thought it could possibly be. It will end up in a blame game and will lead to you two picking at each other, arguing about the same old things and critisising each other. It's like you're back into it. It's best to stay away from this as it will destroy you.
3. It will be that much harder for both of you to move on
How do you expect to fully move on if you’re still communicating with the one person you should be staying away from? How can you hunt for a new potential and not feel guilty?
After a while, you will realise that both of you are coming in the way of allowing each other to meet someone new. Also, think about it, who would want to deal with some extra ex-baggage?
4. You need to allow yourself some 'me time' to recover
Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Like all losses, the breakup of a long-term relationship causes people to go through various stages of grief. In order to move through anger, denial, etc. it’s essential that you have the emotional and physical space to do this.
This also serves as a reminder, that you will be just OK on your own.
5. Sometimes people just grow apart
This is true and inevitable. People change as they go through life and sometimes you change together as a couple, but other times, you grow apart. This is especially the case for emotionally charged relationships such as romantic long-term relationships or childhood frienships.
People come and go in your life and you have to accept that no matter how hard it is. Holding on to someone just means finding excuses, let that person go for it wasn't meant to be!
Have something to add to the list? Leave your feedback in the comments below!